# Can divorced couples get back together?

> By Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of "How to Get Your Ex Back".
> Canonical: https://bennylichtenwalner.com/answers/getting-back-together-after-divorce/

**Short answer:** Yes. A meaningful minority of divorced couples get back together, and some go on to remarry. It happens most when the marriage ended over one fixable pattern (money stress, poor communication, growing apart) rather than contempt, abuse, or an affair. There's no clean percentage. What predicts it is whether both people did real work apart, not just time apart.

Yes. A meaningful minority of divorced couples get back together, and a share of those go on to remarry. I'm Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of *How to Get Your Ex Back*, and this is one of the questions I get most from people who assume the divorce decree closed the door for good. It didn't. What closes the door is what caused the divorce in the first place, and whether that thing actually got fixed.

## Can divorced couples really get back together?

Regularly, yes. I won't hand you a percentage, because no clean one exists. What I can tell you from the cases I've worked: reconciliation after divorce happens most when the marriage ended over something fixable, like money stress, poor communication, or two people who drifted apart while raising kids or building careers. It happens far less when the divorce came from contempt, repeated betrayal, or abuse. The reason for the split predicts the odds of getting back together better than anything else does.

## The psychology behind why some divorced couples reconcile

Divorce doesn't erase attachment. Two people can end a legal marriage and still carry years of shared history, a language only they speak, and a grief that doesn't fully resolve just because paperwork got filed. That lingering bond is real, but it isn't enough on its own. Reconciliation only holds when it's paired with actual change, not nostalgia for what the relationship felt like before things went wrong.

## Signs your ex wife is open to getting back together

1. She reaches out for reasons that have nothing to do with logistics or the kids.
2. She asks how you're doing and stays in the conversation instead of ending it fast.
3. She brings up a shared memory without you bringing it up first.
4. Her life hasn't visibly closed the door: no serious new partner, no permanent move, no remarriage.
5. She's willing to have one real conversation about what went wrong, not just small talk.

None of these guarantee anything by themselves. Together, held over a few weeks, they're worth paying attention to.

## What's the typical timeline from divorce to first real re-contact?

| Time since divorce | What's usually happening |
|---|---|
| 0–6 months | Still raw. Contact is mostly logistics or co-parenting. Not a real signal either way yet. |
| 6 months–2 years | The window where genuine re-contact most often starts, once both people have had space to actually change something. |
| 2–5 years | Reconciliation still happens here, usually after both people rebuilt separate, stable lives first. |
| 5+ years | Rare, but real. When it happens, it's almost never nostalgia. Both people are different, and the reconnection starts from who they are now. |

## Remarrying your ex husband: worth it or repeating the mistake?

That depends entirely on whether the specific thing that ended the marriage got fixed. If he was checked out and he's now present, if the money fights had a real root cause that's been addressed, if an affair happened and there's been years of rebuilt trust, remarriage can work. If the plan is to remarry the same unresolved pattern and hope the ceremony fixes it, it won't. Treat the time you spend back together before any wedding as a genuine test of the changed version of him, not a formality on the way to round two.

## Reconciliation after divorce: what actually kills it

1. **Rushing.** Moving back in or remarrying within weeks of reconnecting, before either of you has proven the change holds under normal life stress.
2. **Relitigating the marriage.** Every disagreement turning into a rehash of who was worse during the divorce. If you're still building a case against each other, you're not actually back together.
3. **Co-parenting your way back into the relationship.** Logistics-driven closeness (shared custody schedules, kids' events, the house you both still half-live in) can feel like intimacy without being it. Confirm the connection is real outside of the co-parenting context before you call it a reconciliation.

## The psychology of who tries again and why it works for some couples and not others

The couples I see succeed share one thing: they treat getting back together as building something new with the same two people, not restoring the old marriage. The couples who struggle are usually trying to skip straight back to where they left off, minus the problem, as if the rest of the relationship doesn't need rebuilding too. Time apart only helps if it was used to change, not just to cool off.