# How long do I wait for my ex to make the next move?

> By Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of "How to Get Your Ex Back".
> Canonical: https://bennylichtenwalner.com/answers/how-long-do-i-wait-for-my-ex-to-make-the-next-move/

**Short answer:** Set a window before the waiting starts, roughly a week for a single unanswered message, longer during an active re-engagement stretch, and hold it without texting, liking, or checking their social media. If the window closes with nothing back, that's information. Go back into a fresh no-contact stretch instead of escalating.

You've made your move, a text, a date, a moment that could've gone further and didn't, and now it's their turn. The instinct to do something else, anything, is loud. That instinct is exactly what costs people ground at this stage.

I'm Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of *How to Get Your Ex Back*. This is one of the most repeated pieces of advice I give clients: once you've done your part, every additional move you make before they respond is a move you made for them, and it almost never helps.

## Why waiting is the actual strategy

With an avoidant ex especially, action from your side gives them something to react to, and reacting is often how they stay distant without having to feel anything. Time and their own internal process are what actually shift things. You don't speed that up by doing more. You protect it by doing nothing until they move or the window closes.

| Where you are | Rough window before reassessing |
|---|---|
| One unanswered text | About a week |
| Active dating or re-engagement phase | Days to a few weeks, set in advance |
| No response at all through the window | Back to a fresh no-contact stretch |
| They reach out mid-window | Respond, the window resets naturally |

## What to actually do

1. **Set your window before the silence starts.** Decide the length in advance, not while you're already anxious and negotiating with yourself in real time.
2. **Stop completely once you've made your move.** No texting, no liking, no commenting, no engineering a reason to run into them.
3. **Let them make the next move.** If they reach out inside the window, respond. If they don't, hold it anyway.
4. **If the window closes with nothing back, reset.** Go back into a fresh no-contact stretch rather than escalating with a bigger gesture or a longer message.
5. **Keep living your life inside the window.** Work, friends, dating if that's where you are. Waiting isn't the same as putting your life on hold.

## What not to do

Don't ask where you stand or try to force a conversation about the future while you're supposed to be holding the window. That's the exact move the window exists to prevent.

Don't send a follow-up because the first attempt went unanswered. Silence isn't an invitation to keep talking, it's the window doing what it's supposed to do.

Don't read their social media activity, story views, or likes as a reason to break early. None of it tells you anything reliable, and checking just keeps you anchored to a decision you've already made.

Don't confuse holding the window with putting your life on pause. Sitting and waiting for a text is not the same as living well while the window runs.

## What this looks like in practice

A composite of situations I've coached, details changed. One client sent a short re-entry text after a long no-contact stretch and set a one-week window before deciding what it meant if nothing came back. Day four brought silence, and the pull to send something else, anything, was strong. Holding the line, the reply came on day six, warmer than expected.

Another held a similar window and got nothing at all. Rather than escalate with a longer message or a call, the window closed and a fresh no-contact period began. Six weeks later, the ex reached out first. Neither outcome was guaranteed by holding the window. What was guaranteed is that reaching out early in either case would have told the ex the boundary wasn't real, and that always costs more than it gains.