# How Long Should I Wait Between Texts to My Ex?

> By Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of "How to Get Your Ex Back".
> Canonical: https://bennylichtenwalner.com/answers/how-long-should-i-wait-between-texts-to-my-ex/

**Short answer:** Wait roughly a week between outreach attempts once no-contact has ended, starting the clock from your last exchange. Reaching out sooner reads as chasing and closes the space your ex needs to actually miss you. Time it to land midweek, Wednesday or Thursday, if you're hoping to see them over the weekend. Let them lead if they're already initiating.

# How Long Should I Wait Between Texts to My Ex?

Once no-contact ends and you've had one exchange that didn't lead anywhere concrete, the question that comes up immediately is when to try again. The instinct, especially if the last exchange felt shaky, is to do something right away.

Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of *How to Get Your Ex Back*, uses roughly a week as the default spacing between outreach attempts. It's not an arbitrary number. It's close to the minimum stretch that lets an ex who's gone quiet actually start missing you instead of just registering that you're still around.

## Why Does a Week Matter?

An ex who's avoidant or still processing needs real time after contact before the loss registers and feelings start to surface. Reaching out again before that window closes interrupts the process before it's finished doing anything.

Spaced, consistent outreach also positions you as someone who has a life running independently of whether they respond, rather than someone waiting by the phone for a green light. The week creates a small amount of anticipation without any of the energy that reads as chasing.

| Situation | What to do |
|---|---|
| No response yet to your last message | Hold the full week before trying again |
| They reply within the week | Respond and continue, the clock doesn't need resetting |
| They reach out first during the week | Engage normally, you're not obligated to go quiet on principle |
| The week would land your message on a Monday | Push it closer to Wednesday or Thursday if you're aiming for a weekend |
| You're actually dating again | Once-a-week in-person contact follows the same underlying logic |

## What Should I Actually Do?

1. **Start the clock after any interaction ends.** Whether the conversation trailed off, you ended it, or they went quiet, day one begins at that last exchange.

2. **Hold for roughly a week.** You don't need to count to the exact hour. Close to seven days is the target.

3. **Time it around the day of the week.** If you're hoping to see them over a weekend, aim to land the message midweek rather than at the start of the week, so the ask sits naturally close to the weekend.

4. **Keep the message simple.** A light, low-pressure line asking how their week has gone works fine. No callbacks to the last exchange, no emotional content.

5. **Treat any response within the week as forward motion.** You don't need to wait out the full week if they come back to you first. Engage and keep it going.

6. **If they reach out during the week, respond.** You're not punishing them by staying quiet on principle. The point is not to chase, not to withhold.

7. **Repeat the cadence after each new interaction.** Every exchange resets the clock, not just your own outreach attempts.

## What Should I Avoid?

Don't reach out the same day or the next day out of anxiety about how the last exchange landed. That reaction is exactly what the week is meant to prevent.

Don't send a follow-up just because they haven't replied yet. Wait out the full week before trying again.

Don't let the week rule accidentally land your outreach on a day that works against you, like a Monday when you're hoping for a weekend plan. Adjust the timing to serve the actual goal.

Don't read a week of silence as permanent disinterest. Some exes take that long to respond and it still means something when they do.

Don't send more than one message while you're waiting. One attempt, then hold, regardless of how the silence feels.

## What Has Benny Seen This Look Like?

Two clients illustrate the range here. One kept reaching out every two or three days whenever a conversation went quiet, convinced that more attempts meant more chances. The opposite happened. Each new message landed flatter than the last, and eventually replies stopped altogether.

The other held to roughly a week between attempts, even when it felt uncomfortable to wait that long. The messages stayed short and low-pressure, timed to land midweek. Within a handful of cycles, the ex started replying faster and eventually began reaching out first, unprompted.

Neither outcome came down to what was said in any single message. It came down to whether there was room between attempts for the other person to actually notice the gap.