# How long should I wait if my ex is in a new relationship?

> By Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of "How to Get Your Ex Back".
> Canonical: https://bennylichtenwalner.com/answers/how-long-should-i-wait-if-my-ex-is-in-a-new-relationship/

**Short answer:** Wait until your ex's new relationship clears six months before you consider reaching out. That's roughly when the honeymoon phase ends and real incompatibilities start to surface. Most rebounds fizzle in the three-to-six-month window, though some don't, and you can't control which. Count from when the new relationship started, not from your own no-contact date.

# How Long Should I Wait If My Ex Is in a New Relationship?

Wait until the new relationship clears six months. That's roughly when a couple moves past the honeymoon phase, when the early rush of novelty and good chemical feelings gives way to actual compatibility testing. Before that mark, your ex is running on good times only. The hard parts of any relationship, the incompatibilities, the friction, the boredom, haven't had time to surface yet.

## Why does the 6-month mark matter?

New relationships run largely on neurochemistry for the first few months. Conflict and mismatch don't fully show up until the initial high fades, which tends to happen around the six-month point. Reaching out before that means competing with an idealized, temporary version of your ex, not the real person, and that's a fight timing can't win. Most rebounds that don't last fizzle somewhere in the three-to-six-month window, though the range isn't a guarantee. Some go longer. Some don't end at all. You can't control the outcome. You can only control whether you move before or after that window closes.

## How do I know which clock I'm actually on?

| Clock | Starts counting from | What it governs |
|---|---|---|
| Your no-contact period | The breakup, or your last contact, whichever is more recent | When you're emotionally and behaviorally ready to re-enter |
| Your ex's new relationship | The day the new relationship started | When the relationship has cleared its honeymoon phase |

These two clocks run independently, and both need to clear before reaching out makes sense. Finishing your own no-contact period doesn't shorten theirs.

1. **Find the actual start date of the new relationship**, not the day you found out about it. Those are often different, and only the real start date counts.
2. **Don't reach out before the six-month mark**, even if your own no-contact period finished earlier. If they're at four months together, you have two more months to wait regardless of where you are.
3. **Expect normal turbulence before six months** and don't read it as a signal. Social media posts, mixed signals, even your ex reaching out to you during this window don't tell you anything reliable about where the new relationship stands.
4. **Once the relationship clears six months and your own no-contact period is done**, you're clear to use a standard low-stakes re-entry message.
5. **If the relationship goes well past six months**, treat it as a genuinely different situation rather than a rebound still working itself out.

## What should I avoid doing during this window?

Don't reach out early because you feel ready, or because a birthday or holiday feels like a natural excuse. Readiness on your side doesn't change where the new relationship actually stands. Don't interpret early emotional posts, a lukewarm caption, or your ex briefly reaching out to you as proof the new relationship is failing. That behavior is common and expected before six months and carries no real information. And don't treat the fizzle window as a guarantee. Most short-lived rebounds end inside three to six months, but plenty run longer, and a few don't end.

## What does this actually look like?

Two clients faced versions of the same question a few months into their exes' new relationships. One, two months in, wanted to reach out because their own no-contact period had just wrapped and the waiting felt unbearable. The other, five months in, was convinced the relationship was already crumbling based on a moody post. Both were coached to keep counting: the first still had roughly four months before the six-month mark, the second had one. Both waited. In one case the new relationship ended before it reached six months. In the other it didn't. Neither outcome was something either client could have sped up or predicted by acting earlier. The waiting itself was the only part they controlled.

Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of *How to Get Your Ex Back*, frames this as one of the more counterintuitive parts of the process: the instinct is to treat every wobble in the new relationship as an opening. Almost none of it is. The six-month mark is the point where the picture actually clears.