# How to get your gf back?

> By Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of "How to Get Your Ex Back".
> Canonical: https://bennylichtenwalner.com/answers/how-to-get-your-gf-back/

**Short answer:** To get your girlfriend or boyfriend back, stop all contact now and keep it up for three to six months from your last message. Work on the habits that broke the relationship, then send one short, friendly text with no apology or pitch. The process is the same for a gf, a bf, or a partner of any gender.

Whether you typed "how to get your gf back" or "how to get my boyfriend back," you are asking about one process. It works the same for a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a man, a woman, or a partner you never labeled.

I'm Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of *How to Get Your Ex Back*. Here is what I tell every client in the first week.

## Is it worth trying to get them back?

Ask this before anything else. If you miss the person and the specific life you had together, keep going. If you mostly miss not being alone, you are looking for relief, not a relationship.

Stop here and do not try if the relationship involved abuse, repeated cheating you can't forgive, or contempt on either side. Those aren't problems that no-contact fixes.

## What do I do this week?

1. Stop texting, calling, and checking their stories.
2. Mute them on social media. Don't block unless safety requires it.
3. Delete the draft messages. Yes, all of them.
4. Sleep, eat, and move. Your judgment is worst when you're exhausted.
5. Tell one friend what you're doing so you have someone to text instead.

## How does the timeline work?

| Step | Timing | Goal |
|---|---|---|
| No-contact | 3 to 6 months | Fix your own pattern. Let their feelings settle. |
| Re-entry text | After the window | Open the door, nothing more. |
| Dating again | About 2 months | Rebuild attraction without pressure. |
| Relationship talk | Once | Clear conditions, calm state. |

Avoidant partners tend to need the longer end, because their suppression of the breakup doesn't lift until around month three. Anxious partners often come back sooner but can swing hard, so patience still pays.

## What should the first message say?

Short, warm, and easy to answer. "Saw this and thought of the trip we took. Hope you're doing well." No apology paragraph, no "can we talk," no question that demands an answer about the relationship. If they answer, keep it light and let them set the pace.

## What this looks like in practice

A composite of the clients I see most. One woman had spent a month texting her boyfriend every time she felt a wave of panic. He got quieter. She stopped for four months, started going out with friends again, and worked on how she handled conflict. His reply to her first light message took a day, then a week of back and forth, then coffee. A man in a similar spot did the same work and heard back a polite, flat reply. He read it for what it was and moved forward. Same process, different result, both better off for having done it clean.

## What should I never do?

Don't use jealousy to test them. Don't pile on friends to plead your case. Don't announce you've changed. They'll decide that from what they see.

If you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, call or text 988 first. Everything else can wait.