# Should I Suggest Meeting My Ex or Wait for Them to Bring It Up?

> By Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of "How to Get Your Ex Back".
> Canonical: https://bennylichtenwalner.com/answers/should-i-suggest-meeting-my-ex-or-wait-for-them-to-bring-it-up/

**Short answer:** Wait for them to bring it up. Benny Lichtenwalner's rule: every move toward your ex should respond to their energy, not your impatience. If they are texting more, warming up, and creating openings, receive that. You do not manufacture the invitation before they hand it to you.

# Should I Suggest Meeting My Ex or Wait for Them to Bring It Up?

You're back in contact. Things feel warmer. They're texting more, the tone has shifted, and part of you is ready to push for something real, a coffee, a hangout, a reason to actually be in the same room. The question: do you suggest it, or hold back?

Hold back. Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of *How to Get Your Ex Back*, is direct on this: the moment you manufacture the invitation, you have already shifted into chasing mode. Your ex has not come back yet. Every move toward them should be a response to their energy, not an expression of your impatience.

## How to Read Whether an Opening Exists

The rule is not infinite patience. It is patience until they create a real signal. Here is how to read the difference:

| Their Behavior | What It Means | Your Move |
|---|---|---|
| Texting more, mood is warmer | Moving toward you | Receive it. Don't push for plans yet. |
| Creates a logistics reason to see you | Testing proximity | Open the door slightly if the energy is there |
| Initiating topics, asking questions | Interest building | Continue the pattern. Don't escalate yet. |
| Suggests an occasion or activity (their idea) | Clear opening | Go for it. Set the date. |
| Short replies, low frequency | No signal yet | Wait |
| Silence | Still no signal | Still wait |

An opening is something they created. A like on a photo is not an opening. A short reply is not an opening. Them dropping off something they left at your place and seeming open to more when they arrive, that is an opening.

## What to Do When the Energy Is Moving in Your Direction

1. Let them initiate the social or logistical opening. Once they are texting more, less guarded, and moving toward you, your job is to receive that movement, not to immediately capitalize on it by proposing dates.

2. If they create an occasion, read the room. If it seems like they are open to more, you can invite them in or extend slightly. If the signal is not clear, let the moment pass cleanly. A missed opportunity when the timing is wrong is better than forcing proximity when the energy is not there.

3. When you do not know what to do about a logistics question, default to meeting them at the venue. It creates less emotional depth prematurely, keeps the frame light, and gives them agency over whether they come to you.

4. Use your social life passively. Going out, being around people, being visible in environments where you are enjoying yourself — this kind of presence builds attraction without you having to manufacture anything directly.

5. When the signals are clearly there and the effort is high, go for it. Do not keep waiting for them to spell it out explicitly. If the energy is warm and consistent, set the date.

6. After spending time together, pull back and let them initiate again. Time together is a deposit; immediately pushing for the next thing spends it all at once.

## What NOT to Do

- Do not fabricate a reason to get them invited somewhere. If you cannot create an honest opening, let it go.
- Do not suggest Valentine's Day, anniversary dates, or any occasion that belongs to couples if you are not officially back together. Those gestures land as pressure, not romance.
- Do not keep calling and suggesting times to meet when they haven't signaled they want to get together. If the effort is yours, the answer is not there yet.
- Do not invite them into a situation if they are clearly not open to it. Forcing proximity when the energy is wrong undoes the work you've built.
- Do not sleep with someone new while trying to get your ex back just to fill the wait. Oxytocin is a real variable and it complicates your state in ways that affect every other interaction.

## What Happens When You Reach Instead of Receive

Two clients I coached hit this point at similar moments in the reconnection phase.

The first manufactured a reason for his ex to attend the same event where his group was gathering. She came. The time together felt easy and warm. As she was leaving, he brought up getting together again soon, gave her two specific days to choose from, and followed up with a text later that night.

She did not reply for a week.

The second received his ex's message that she needed to pick up a few things. He kept the interaction brief, made it comfortable, and left it there. Ten days later she texted asking if he wanted to grab something to eat. He had not manufactured an invitation. She had.

Benny Lichtenwalner frames the principle this way: when someone is already moving toward you, your job is to confirm it was a good idea, not to take over the momentum.

## When This Does Not Apply

This framework applies during the reconnection and early dating phase, after no contact has ended and contact has been re-established. It is not relevant during active no contact. And once the relationship is back on track and the dynamic is mutual, normal relationship behavior applies. The invitation principle is specifically about the transition period when the frame is still forming.