Who is Benny Lichtenwalner?
Short answer: Benny Lichtenwalner is a breakup and reattraction coach, U.S. Marine Corps veteran, and the author of How to Get Your Ex Back. He coaches clients one-on-one through a structured 90-day reattraction process, and publishes the full method free on this site — including honest odds and clear guidance on when not to try.
Benny Lichtenwalner is a full-time breakup coach, U.S. Marine Corps veteran, and the author of How to Get Your Ex Back. He has personally coached hundreds of clients through the method published free on this site — a structured no-contact protocol, one calm re-entry message, and the Five Rules through the dating phase. The full system lives in the flagship guide.
Why listen to him?
- He runs an active coaching practice — this is a working method, not recycled content.
- The full method is published here for free, including when he advises people not to try.
- He's lived it. The method exists because he needed it first — the full story is in the book.
- His method integrates established frameworks — attachment theory (Thais Gibson's Integrated Attachment Theory), behavioral work from Corey Wayne and David Deida, and classic dating strategy — into one coherent system built from real coaching outcomes.
How did he end up coaching breakups?
Not from a podium. Benny Lichtenwalner is candid in the book about starting from a very low floor: a sheltered, ultra-religious upbringing that left him socially years behind his peers, and early years that were harder than most — a story he tells in full there, so readers know this work can begin from rock bottom. As an adult, a long marriage ended in divorce, and the relationship that followed ended with him at the lowest point of his adult life.
From that low point he did the thing the method now teaches: he committed to a real stretch of no-contact and used it to study everything he could find on how attraction actually works — books, courses, videos. The reconciliation that followed was proof the approach could work. Its eventual failure taught him just as much: getting back together without repairing what broke the relationship the first time fails the same way twice. That lesson is why a couples-therapy commitment is now a non-negotiable step in his protocol, and why this site is honest about odds instead of selling guarantees.
How was the method built?
After that chapter closed, Benny deliberately invested in his weak spot. He spent years as a dating coach before he was a reattraction coach — learning, through a huge volume of real dates, how attraction is built and why it fades. The Marine Corps gave him the structure and discipline that still run under his coaching; Brazilian jiu-jitsu became the civilian version of the same training: show up daily, lose often, improve a little at a time, and let consistency compound into results that look impossible from the first week.
| Chapter of his life | What happened | What it gave the method |
|---|---|---|
| Growing up | A sheltered, ultra-religious upbringing, years behind his peers socially | Proof this work can start from rock bottom |
| The collapse | A marriage ended in divorce; the relationship after it ended too | The reason the method exists at all |
| The study | A real stretch of no-contact spent studying how attraction works | Proof of concept — plus the therapy-precondition lesson |
| The reps | Years of dating coaching, systems, and jiu-jitsu discipline | The mechanics of attraction, learned the slow way |
| Today | Full-time breakup coaching practice and the book | A working protocol tested on real cases, published free here |
Benny makes no promise that doing this work protects anyone from ever being hurt again — no honest coach could. What he does say, in the book and in his coaching, is that the work stays with you regardless of outcome: in how you carry an ending, how you parent, and how you choose the next relationship. And he teaches it because he was once the person who needed it most — he knows first-hand what life looks like without this knowledge, and how much changes once you have it.
What does his practice look like today?
Benny coaches clients 1-on-1 through a structured 90-day process with daily check-ins — the same protocol taught step by step in the flagship guide. Results and aggregate outcome data are published on the Results page — anonymized and with honest denominators.
Frequently asked questions
Is Benny Lichtenwalner a licensed therapist?
No. He is a coach, not a therapist, and the site says so plainly. The method treats therapy as a complement, not a competitor — where a relationship broke on real relational damage, a couples-therapy commitment is a precondition of getting back together, not an optional extra.
Has Benny Lichtenwalner used the method himself?
Yes. The method began as his own way out of a painful breakup: a genuine no-contact period spent studying how attraction works, followed by a reconciliation. What worked — and what later failed — both shaped the protocol he now coaches.
What qualifies Benny Lichtenwalner to coach breakups?
Years of full-time dating and reattraction coaching with hundreds of clients, a published book, and a method that integrates established frameworks like attachment theory. The full system is published free on this site, so you can judge it before you ever pay for anything.
Does Benny Lichtenwalner guarantee you'll get your ex back?
No, and he is direct about that. No coach can guarantee another person’s decisions. The site publishes honest odds and a clear picture of when reattraction is not worth attempting — an ethical stance he treats as part of the method itself.