What's the actual advice for getting through a breakup?
Short answer: In the first 48 hours after a breakup, do less, not more. No long message, no late-night call, no plan for winning them back yet. Eat, sleep, move, and talk to one person who isn't your ex. After that: stop contact, get honest about whether this is worth rebuilding, and don't confuse missing someone with a decision.
Most breakup advice tries to hand you a script. The advice that actually holds up is smaller than that: do less right now, get honest about what happened, and don’t let the first week decide anything permanent. I’m Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of How to Get Your Ex Back.
What do I do in the first 48 hours?
- Send nothing. Not the long explanation, not the “I still love you” text, not the “we need to talk” text. Whatever you’re drafting right now, don’t send it.
- Handle your body first. Eat an actual meal, drink water instead of alcohol, keep your phone out of reach when you sleep.
- Talk to one person, not a group chat. One honest conversation beats ten conflicting opinions in the first week.
- Move, even briefly. A walk, a workout, anything that gets you out of your head for twenty minutes.
- Mute your ex, don’t block them yet. Blocking this early sends a louder signal than you probably want to send. Muting just gets them out of your feed.
If you’re having thoughts of hurting yourself, none of this matters more than you being okay right now. In the US, call or text 988.
Why does everyone say “no contact”?
Because almost every mistake that makes a breakup worse happens through contact made too soon: the 2am call, the mutual-friend check-in, the “just so you know” text. No-contact isn’t a punishment or a game. It’s the only window either of you gets to actually think clearly instead of reacting to each other in real time.
| What you’re feeling | What actually helps |
|---|---|
| The urge to explain yourself | Write it down instead of sending it |
| The urge to check their social media | Mute, don’t monitor |
| The urge to get instant clarity | Accept you won’t have it for a while |
| The urge to move on immediately | Give it real time before deciding either way |
Is this a get-back-together situation or a move-on situation?
That’s the real fork, and it’s worth answering honestly before you build a plan around either one. Bad timing, unresolved conflict, or distance are fixable, if both people actually change something. Contempt, repeated betrayal, or years of the same argument usually aren’t, regardless of how much you miss them. Missing someone and it being worth rebuilding are two different questions, and mixing them up is the most common mistake I see.
What should I not do this week?
Don’t make a public post about it. Don’t reach out to their friends or family for information. Don’t start dating someone new to prove you’re fine. Don’t rewrite the whole relationship in your head as either perfect or worthless; the honest version is somewhere in between, and you’ll need that honest version later whichever path you take.
What this looks like in practice
A composite of cases I’ve coached, details changed. One person spent the first three days convinced the relationship could be saved with the right apology, drafted a dozen versions of a text, and sent none of them. By the end of the first week, with some actual sleep and space, the picture looked different: not hopeless, just clearer about what would need to change.
Another assumed within 24 hours that it was completely over and started planning a rebound relationship to fill the gap. That decision, made in the rawest part of the breakup, got walked back a month later once the initial panic wore off.
Neither reaction was wrong to feel. Neither belonged in a decision made that fast.
Where do I go from here?
If you’re leaning toward trying to get back together, the full process covers no-contact, re-entry, and the honest odds. If you’re not sure yet, figuring out if this is really over is a better next stop than either extreme.
Related questions
What's the single most important thing to do right after a breakup?
Nothing, for the first day or two. Not silence forever, just enough space that your next move comes from a clear head instead of panic. The begging text, the surprise visit, the drunk call: all of it happens in the first 48 hours, and none of it helps.
Is it normal to feel physically sick after a breakup?
Yes. A breakup fires the same threat response in your body as physical danger, which is why sleep, appetite, and focus all take a hit at once. It's not a sign something is wrong with you. It's a sign your nervous system is treating this like the emergency it feels like.
Should I ask for advice from friends right after it happens?
One person, yes. A group chat, no. Every friend brings their own breakup history to the advice, and a chorus of opinions in the first week just adds noise on top of a decision you're not ready to make yet anyway.
How do I know if this breakup is fixable?
Look at what actually caused it. Bad timing, unresolved conflict, or distance are fixable with real change on both sides. Contempt, repeated betrayal, or years of the same fight usually aren't, no matter how much you want it to be different.
When should I get advice from a coach or therapist instead of friends?
When the advice you're getting keeps changing based on who you last talked to, or when you're still stuck on what to do weeks in. A therapist helps you process the loss. A coach helps you run the actual process if getting back together is the goal. Different jobs, both useful.