How should I reply when my ex texts something boring or routine?
Short answer: Skip the factual answer. When your ex sends something routine, like "how are you?" or a plain logistics question, a one or two sentence joke shifts the tone better than a straight reply does. Keep it short, obviously exaggerated, and free of any real update on your feelings. A flat, honest answer feels safest and is also the one least likely to go anywhere.
Your ex texts “hey, how are you?” or something equally low-stakes, and the safest reply, the honest one, the one that just answers the question, is also the one most likely to go nowhere.
I’m Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of How to Get Your Ex Back. This is one of the more common in-the-moment questions I get from clients: their ex reached out first, with something completely ordinary, and now they’re staring at the reply box unsure what to send.
Why does a straight answer fall flat?
| A factual reply | A short joke instead |
|---|---|
| Keeps you in the “familiar ex” box | Shifts the emotional register immediately |
| Reveals real information about your week or your mood | Reveals nothing about where you actually stand |
| Reads as the same person they broke up with | Reads as someone with their own life running |
| Is easy to send and easy to forget | Takes a beat more effort and tends to get a reply |
A dry answer isn’t wrong exactly. It’s just the path of least resistance, and the path of least resistance rarely moves a conversation anywhere new.
What should I actually do when this happens?
- Don’t respond the second you see it. Let a normal amount of time pass. You’re not on standby.
- Find the exaggeration angle. Whatever the honest, boring answer would be, ask what the most absurd version of that answer could sound like.
- Go far enough over the top that it’s obviously a joke. The failure mode here is being too subtle. If they can’t tell you’re joking, the message just reads as strange.
- Keep it to one or two sentences. The joke is the whole reply, not a setup for a longer factual explanation.
- Let the exchange breathe. If they play along, keep the tone light rather than pivoting straight back to something serious.
What should I not do?
Don’t answer the question straight and then wonder later why the thread died. Don’t ask them how they’ve really been in return, that’s a status check wearing a casual tone. Don’t tack “haha” onto a factual sentence and call it humor; that isn’t the same as an actual joke. And don’t over-explain a joke that didn’t land. If it needs a footnote, it wasn’t over-the-top enough to begin with.
What this looks like in practice
A composite of a few situations I’ve coached, details changed. One client got a plain “how’s it going?” from an ex he hadn’t spoken to in two months. His instinct was “good, you?”, which he’d sent to that same question a dozen times over the course of the relationship. Instead he answered with something clearly ridiculous about his weekend, two sentences, nothing revealing. The reply came back within minutes, playful, and the exchange ran another six messages before it naturally wound down.
Another client, dealing with a more withdrawn ex, kept defaulting to short factual replies out of habit and noticed the conversations always fizzled at message three or four. Once she started replying with something exaggerated instead of accurate, the same low-stakes openers turned into actual back-and-forth for the first time since the breakup.
Neither case involved a clever, rehearsed line. Both involved simply not answering the question the way it was asked.
For what to do once the exchange has real momentum and you’re deciding whether to suggest meeting up, see how to keep texts with your ex playful.
Related questions
Why not just answer my ex's question normally?
A normal, factual answer is forgettable, and forgettable keeps you in the same box you were in before the breakup. A well-aimed joke changes the register of the conversation in a way a straight answer can't.
What if I'm not naturally funny?
Start smaller than you think you need to. A short, clearly exaggerated answer to "how are you?" doesn't require real comic timing, it just requires not answering the question straight. Practice on low-stakes texts with friends first if it feels unnatural.
What if my joke doesn't land?
Let it go rather than explaining it. Adding "haha jk" or clarifying the joke undoes the entire point, which is coming across as light and unbothered, not as someone anxiously checking whether the bit worked.
Does this apply if my ex opens with something serious?
No. If your ex raises something emotionally heavy, match that register and respond honestly. The joke is for low-stakes, routine openers, not for a real conversation they're trying to have.
Does this work differently with an avoidant ex?
It matters more with one. Avoidant exes respond to low-pressure, light exchanges because it removes the weight they're trying to avoid. A dry, factual reply reads as exactly the kind of heaviness that makes them go quiet again.