Should I unblock my ex?
Short answer: Only unblock your ex when you have a real reason and you're steady enough that seeing their life won't restart checking their every post. Doing it at midnight because you miss them, or so you can look without them knowing, is an impulse that usually costs more than it gives back. Wait for an actual reason instead.
The urge to unblock your ex almost always shows up at the worst possible moment to act on it: late at night, a few weeks into no-contact, right when you’re missing them the most. I’m Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of How to Get Your Ex Back, and the question isn’t really whether you’re allowed to unblock them. It’s whether you have an actual reason, or just an urge.
When does it actually make sense to unblock your ex?
| Reason you’re considering it | Is it a good reason? | What to do |
|---|---|---|
| You’re about to send a planned re-entry message | Yes | Unblock right before sending, not weeks ahead |
| You miss them and it’s late at night | No | Wait until morning, and check again if it still feels like a real reason |
| You want to see their posts without talking to them | No | This restarts the checking habit no-contact is built to break |
| Enough time has passed that you’re genuinely steady | Maybe | Ask whether you’d be fine seeing them dating someone new before you decide |
| A practical reason, like shared logistics coming up | Yes | Unblock for the specific purpose, keep interaction to that purpose |
What should I actually do before unblocking them?
- Name the actual reason. If the honest answer is “I miss them” or “I want to see what they’re posting,” that’s an impulse, not a plan.
- Ask if you’re steady enough to see whatever’s there. New photos, a new relationship, a caption that stings: if any of that would send you spiraling or reaching out, you’re not ready to look yet.
- Time it to a purpose, not a mood. The clean version of unblocking happens right before you’re about to make contact for a real reason, not as a standalone act weeks in advance.
- Decide what you’ll do if they message you back. Have a sense of your plan before you remove the barrier, not after they respond.
- If you’re not sure, wait 48 hours. If the reason still holds after two days, it’s more likely a decision than an impulse.
What should I NOT do?
- Don’t unblock them just because they unblocked you. That’s their internal process, not an instruction for yours.
- Don’t unblock at night, after a few drinks, or in the middle of a low moment. Decisions made there rarely look the same in daylight.
- Don’t unblock to check their posts on a loop. If the plan is to look without talking, you’ve just reopened the exact monitoring behavior no-contact exists to stop.
- Don’t treat unblocking as a message in itself. It’s invisible to them until they check, so it won’t communicate anything on its own; don’t expect it to do work a real message would.
What does this look like in practice?
A composite from cases I’ve coached, details changed: someone three weeks into no-contact who unblocked their ex at 1am after a rough night, then spent the next two hours scrolling through old posts and new ones. Nothing about that decision was about readiness; it was about the moment. The version that actually worked came six weeks later: a deliberate unblock made the same day as a planned re-entry message, with a clear sense of what would be said and what the reply, whatever it was, would mean. Same action, different reason, very different outcome.
What if my ex unblocked me instead?
That’s a different question with a different answer. Why did my ex unblock me covers what it usually means when the move comes from their side instead of yours.
Related questions
Is it a bad sign if I want to unblock my ex?
Wanting to isn't the problem; acting on the urge without a real reason is. The want is normal, especially early in no-contact. Check whether you have an actual reason to unblock them, or whether it's just the urge to check on them talking.
Does unblocking my ex mean I'm ready to talk to them?
Not the same thing. Unblocking removes a barrier; it doesn't obligate either of you to use it. Plenty of people unblock an ex and never send a message, which is fine if the goal was just to stop actively blocking them rather than to reopen contact.
Should I unblock my ex before sending a re-entry message?
Yes, if you're at the point of actually sending one. Sending a message to someone who has you blocked won't go through, so unblocking is a practical first step right before contact, not something to do weeks in advance out of impatience.
What if I unblock my ex just to see their posts?
That's the version most likely to backfire. It puts their life back in front of you without any plan for what you do with what you see, and it usually restarts the checking habit no-contact was supposed to end.
Should I unblock my ex if they unblocked me first?
Not automatically. Their unblock is information about their state, not an instruction for yours. Decide based on your own readiness and reasons, not as a reflexive response to what they did.