The vocabulary of the method

• Anxious-preoccupied attachment — Anxious attachment explained by breakup coach Benny Lichtenwalner: a style built on inconsistent love in childhood that shows up after a breakup as monitoring, over-reaching, and a hard time tolerating silence.
• Breadcrumbing — Definition of breadcrumbing in the context of getting an ex back: contact that stays just warm enough to keep you waiting without ever moving toward a meetup. The diagnostic test and what to do once you spot it.
• Competition anxiety — Competition anxiety explained by breakup coach Benny Lichtenwalner: the fear an ex feels that you've moved on or found someone else, and why your silence alone is usually enough to trigger it.
• Crash recovery — Definition of crash recovery in Benny Lichtenwalner's 90-day plan: the first two weeks of no-contact, when the only job is to stop the bleeding, not to build anything yet.
• Deactivation (avoidant) — Deactivation explained by breakup coach Benny Lichtenwalner: the suppression response that makes an avoidant ex look fine right after a breakup while the real grief surfaces months later.
• Dismissive-avoidant attachment — Dismissive-avoidant attachment explained by breakup coach Benny Lichtenwalner: a style that handles stress by going cold and cutting off access to feelings, not the feelings themselves. How to spot it in an ex, how it differs from other styles, and what it means for reconnecting.
• Fearful-avoidant attachment — Fearful-avoidant attachment means craving closeness while fearing it: the push-pull style. Breakup coach Benny Lichtenwalner defines the term, shows how a fearful-avoidant ex behaves after a breakup, and how it differs from dismissive-avoidant and anxious styles.
• Feigned indifference — Definition of feigned indifference in Benny Lichtenwalner's method: an ex's performed not-caring that masks suppressed feeling. How to tell it from genuine indifference on the investment ladder, why avoidant exes wear it, and why faking it back doesn't work.
• Field reps — Definition of field reps in Benny Lichtenwalner's 90-day plan: lived, real-world experiences outside the ex that rebuild self-image faster than affirmations or self-talk.
• Mirroring — Definition of mirroring in Benny Lichtenwalner's Five Rules method: reflecting an ex's emotional content back to them without adding your own, used when they raise the relationship first.
• Moving-on theater — Moving-on theater explained by breakup coach Benny Lichtenwalner: the performance of looking fine for an audience, versus the quieter, less photogenic version of actually moving on.
• No-contact — Definition of no-contact in Benny Lichtenwalner's reattraction method: a fixed period, usually 3 to 6 months, with zero initiated contact toward an ex. What it includes, how long it runs, and what it isn't.
• Orbiter — Definition of an orbiter in Benny Lichtenwalner's Five Rules method: someone an ex keeps in reach for validation without ever moving toward a meetup. How to spot the pattern and the one move that ends it.
• Outcome independence — Outcome independence explained by breakup coach Benny Lichtenwalner: the point where you'd take your ex back but no longer need to, and why it's the internal state that actually makes reconciliation possible.
• Protest behavior — Protest behavior explained by breakup coach Benny Lichtenwalner: the over-pursuit an anxiously attached person runs after a breakup, and why it usually pushes an ex further away instead of closer.
• Push-pull dynamic — The push-pull dynamic explained by breakup coach Benny Lichtenwalner: why a fearful-avoidant ex swings between chasing closeness and fleeing it, and what to do instead of taking it personally.
• Secure attachment — Secure attachment explained by breakup coach Benny Lichtenwalner: a style built on reliable love in childhood that shows up after a breakup as steady, deliberate, and the hardest style to fake your way into.
• Temperature check — Definition of a temperature check in Benny Lichtenwalner's Five Rules method: any question that probes an ex's feelings ('where's your head at?'). Why it collapses attraction, what it sounds like in real texts, and what to do instead.
• The grand gesture — Definition of the grand gesture in Benny Lichtenwalner's reattraction framework: a big, public bid for the relationship that backfires by forcing a decision before the ex's feelings have caught up.
• The Investment Ladder — Definition of the investment ladder in Benny Lichtenwalner's Five Rules method: a five-rung scale (Cold to Pulling) that reads an ex's engagement from message length, questions, and volunteered availability, so you know exactly when it's safe to ask for the next date.
• The re-entry message — Definition of the re-entry message in Benny Lichtenwalner's Five Rules method: the first text back to an ex after no-contact. Why it's a door-opener, not a pitch, and what wording gets it right.
• The rule-break reset — Definition of the rule-break reset in Benny Lichtenwalner's Five Rules method: breaking a rule restarts the two-month dating-phase clock, and the real fix is diagnosing what caused it, not just following the rule harder.
• The state build — Definition of the state build in Benny Lichtenwalner's 90-day plan: the middle stretch of no-contact where daily body-based practice replaces crisis survival, roughly weeks three through six.
• The two-month conversation — Definition of the two-month conversation in Benny Lichtenwalner's Five Rules: the point, roughly two months into light, rule-following dating, when it's safe to raise the relationship again.
• The waiting game — Definition of the waiting game in Benny Lichtenwalner's method: the uncertainty of not knowing how long to wait or what to do during it, and why that uncertainty, not a stubborn ex, sinks most reattractions.