What should I do with my social media after a breakup to help get my ex back?
Short answer: After a breakup, unfollow your ex without unfriending them, mute their stories, and stop watching or commenting on their posts. Skip sad or bitter content. Wait a few weeks before posting anything that signals you're moving on, then post real photos of a full life, not a staged reaction aimed at them.
A lot of post-breakup social media advice boils down to “just don’t check,” which Benny Lichtenwalner thinks skips the actual strategy. His approach starts with the settings: unfollow on Facebook but stay on the friends list, mute stories on Instagram instead of blocking. The goal is getting your ex out of your feed without sending the finality a block sends, and without leaving any trace on their end that you engaged.
From there, the plan is about what not to post. Sad or bitter content signals you want sympathy, and sympathy isn’t attractive. It’s better to post nothing for a stretch than to post something that reads as a cry for attention. When you’re ready to post again, timing matters: a life that looks perfectly fine the day after a breakup doesn’t read as believable, so a gap of a few weeks before anything upbeat shows up makes it land as real.
The one exception worth knowing: dismissive-avoidant exes, the ones who left because they felt overwhelmed or feared commitment, tend to shut down further if a post reads as flexing at them. For everyone else, a social feed that shows a full, active life is doing its job.
Full transcript
Here's what to do with your social media after a breakup to maximize your chances of getting your ex back and stay in the stronger position. Right after the breakup, most people react out of hurt and make moves that end up working against them. Start with the basics: unfollow your ex on Facebook but leave them on your friends list, and mute their stories on Instagram rather than disconnecting completely. You want them out of your feed without signaling anything final. Stop watching their stories altogether, and don't comment on or like their posts. If checking their profile occasionally helps you wean off gradually, that's fine, but don't leave any trace that you were there. Skip sad or bitter posts entirely. People are attracted to others who look like they're thriving, not coping. A sad post reads as wanting your ex to swoop in and feel bad, and it doesn't work that way. It just signals you're not doing well. Give it a few weeks before posting anything upbeat. Showing a fine, active life the day after a breakup isn't believable. Some visible downtime first makes later posts read as real. When you do start posting again, aim for photos that tell a story about a full life: professional-quality pictures, moments with other people, evidence you're out living, not a staged reaction aimed at your ex. One caveat: if your ex is dismissive-avoidant and left because they were overwhelmed or afraid of commitment, don't post anything that reads as flexing at them. It can make them shut down further instead of drawing them back in. For any other attachment style, showing a full life generally helps rather than hurts.
Deep dive: the full written guide on this topic.